Thursday, January 3, 2008

An open letter to my Father, Mitt Romney

Dear Dad;

I hope now you can see how Matt, Josh, Ben, Craig and king dick Tagg, have sold you down the river. Millions of dollars wasted. That's a lot more than the $424 you send me every month.

What do you think Tagg was doing in the Mittmobile? It wasn't getting you votes, maybe he was spending too much time trying to kill dogs or break my hands.

Dad, I love you. Do you remember when you said you loved me? And then when you said you didn't love me? And then when you said you now realize you love me and then when you said on second thought you don't love me? ANd then when you said you, in fact, genuinely love me? And then when you said you had time to think about it and you couldn't love me? Well, that hurt!

But now I see you are just all mixed up. Money can't buy you votes or love. But it could buy my love. Not because that money would buy my love, but if you gave me money it would show me you love me as much as those horse faced jerks known as my half brothers.

If you let me I will campaign for you in New Hampshire. I have spent all my money investing in Ron Paul's blimp, which turns out not to be an investment at all- I was duped into donating to him and now he's not even allowed into the Fox debate. I have had to take a lot of clonipin and percoset for my hands which Tagg had broken.

I await your response. Come home Dad.

Love Seth

Thursday, December 6, 2007

No Tagg! NO!

Seth asked me to post this. [I want to add that I think Seth Romney Levenson is one of the bravest people I have ever met. One more reason I am glad I joined his Ron Paul meetup]

Monday, November 12, 2007

Tagg did this

Hi. I am Steve. I am a freind of Seth's. Seth asked me to post this video and to write this post. The video will explain why he needs help. Seth was invited to speak in New York City by Lucy's Onion. But there was a mix up. When he arrived in New York City he was told that they wanted him to perform comedy. Fortunately, before he became a businessman, Seth did stand-up comedy.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Hi

I am Steve. I am a freind of Seth's he has been unable to post recently due to an incident which he is saying I should not mention yet (he is here with me and says hello... and (these are not my words) "F. U. Tagg you will not stop me you jerk, but tell Dad I love him despite what he has allowed you to do to me or haven't you told him? Well he will find out soon! Shitface.)

I am helping him post because as you can see below he cannot at this time. In a couple of days if I can I will post a video so Seth can explain.
-Steve

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

eswbhnyh uijk cdxasbnt oploikgt

jmygh ghbashnbdxsas ghbascves bvesdesdmn bvrokijkrebn21q!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Ron Paul

I will be endorsing a candidate soon for the Republican Nomination. I will not tell you who it is yet.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

My Boring Weekend At Home By Myself

Had a pretty good weekend. Played some solitaire. Then I spent late Sunday night through Monday morning just hanging out at home, watching my new TV and messing around on my new computer, both which were purchased with my own money at a store that does not give receipts. (Can't remember the name of the store, because it was pretty dark outside.)

Yup. Nothing out of the ordinary. Thought I'd just let people who might be reading my website know what I was up to this weekend, and where I was.

Oh, and totally unrelated: Dad had some bad news over the weekend. Really sorry to hear about it. I guess if everyone got handouts from their dad they wouldn't have to steal stuff from rich people.

Monday, September 10, 2007

You Can Run but You Can Not Hide

My father, Mitt Romney released this ad last week. This is my version:

Friday, September 7, 2007

Holy Shit!

My Father, Mitt Romney, just said that if his administration wants to go into a Church and wiretap "that's exactly where we're going to go." He said the same about Mosques but there was no mention of Temples.

Either:

A. Dad is sending me a message that despite the years of alienation he has
come to terms with me being bar-mitzvahed or...

B. There is some other religion that refers to its places of worship as Temples....Oh yeah.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

LABOR DAY

Hope everyone had a good holiday. I guess some of my brothers were up in New Hampshire on Monday, celebrating the Labor Day. Kind of ironic, since none of them have ever really had to work a day in their lives. Dad just keeps letting them chip away at his $250 million fortune whenever they want, like a giant salt lick made of cash. Must be nice, you jerks!

I also saw that Tagg/Fag got his kids a new puppy. Real cute. I wonder how long this one will last. If you ask me, the only way that puppy will live through the year is if Tagg drives a convertible. Run, Lulu! Save yourself!!!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

lots of Bull

Here is that Senator who got caught in a Airport bathroom looking for sex. He's a supporter of my Dad's because, in his words, "we share the same family values". I actually think this guy may be sending me secret code.

Family values = married male Senator looking for sex with other men in public toilets = married man denying existence of half jew son whom he sired on his bachelor party weekend in Vegas because he's running for President.



I don't know why Dad scrubbed this video from his website after all, Dad agrees with this guy that gays are bad. I think it might have something to do with the time one of Dad's acknowledged sons (hint: starts with the letter between I and K) was enrolled in Camp Gaybegone (since changed it name from ErectionRediretion to Courage!) and the press found out. So, Dad changed the enrollment name to Seth Romney and sent the press my phone number. Then I was banned from my high school bathroom and had to run down to a local Wendy's in between clsses every time I wanted to pee. I soiled myself six times senior year and went to see Star Wars at a revival theater three times the night of my prom. Thanks Dad!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I will lay higher!

I have a message for Tagg and the rest of the world, and words won't do it justice. I'm Seth Romney-Levinson and I demand to be seen:

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

QBA's memory problem

Hey Tagg! I am working on getting my video up on youtube-- I had to go back to staples to burn it to disk off of the computer there....you'll get your answer soon.. In the meantime, hope I'm not telling tales out of school..Haha!

I have to laugh every time I read an article about how QueenBitch "boo hoo I hate abortions" Ann cut a check to Planned Parenthood in 1994, especially when she claims she doesn't remember it at all, like in this interview she did on FOX Sunday:

"A check for $100 written in 1993, I believe, was when the check was…I don't even remember writing the check," Mrs. Romney said on "Fox News Sunday".

"I mean, how do you remember all the checks you've written, you know, how many years ago was that?"

Wonder why I find all this stuff so funny? No, it's not because she's a liar (which she is) or a dog-killer (which she also is) or once owned slaves. (which I can't technically prove- I had a tape recording but the tape broke and I tried to scotch tape it together but it was difficult and I never thought I would need it....whatever) And not even because you'd think someone who hates abortions so much might remember donating cash to the premier place to have an abortion.

Here's why it's so funny to me: see, it's pretty well-known in the Romney family that Ann is a "Drunk Endorser." (As opposed to Dad who is a one time "Drunk Impregnator" but that's a different story) Sometimes, when people get drunk they dial their ex-girlfriends and sometimes they throw all my stuffed animals on the grill and set them on fire just for laughs. (thanks again for that, Dale––you dick.) When Queen Bitch Ann gets wasted she cuts checks. To anyone. Like, randomly. That's just what she does. After about two Sea Breezes, she pulls out her checkbook and says, "Who needs some cash?" Of course, Tagg/Fag was always the first to line up for one of those hand-outs.

I witnessed all of this when I was twelve and a half and my Dad had told my Mom that he wanted me to spend my first week with his family- turns out he was just trying to convince me not to get Bar Mitzvahed. Anyways, if none of us were around, she'd open to a page in the phone book and just pick someone. And the next morning she wouldn't remember any of it. She cut checks to Planned Parenthood, the Church of Scientology, N.A.M.B.L.A., Travis Tritt––you name it all in the course of the most miserable week of my life.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Well I guess I am not so invisible

I guess I really do exist! You'll have my reply soon, jerk.

From: Tromney
Sent: Friday, August 17, 2007 5:40 PM
To: thesixthbrother@aol.com
Subject:
What’s up?

Dear Seth:

What’s up, big
guy?
Long time no party with. So, Dad asked me to drop you a line and just
say
hey, what’s up? I noticed you have a blog up. That’s really cool, but I
wanted to ask a small favor. Can you take it down? For good? Me and the bros
are
working really hard to serve our country by making sure Dad wins the
presidency-
together, the five of us have already committed over a half a
million $ of our
inheritance to the campaign—that’s almost a full percent of
what we have coming
to us. So you can see this is important to
us.



Seth, we've been acquainted for a long
time
and there have been moments where I have considered you sort of like
someone who
was like a brother, or half-brother. My point is please, don’t
embarrass Dad and
don’t ruin this for me and the bros. It would be righteous
if you could just lay
low and we will definitely invite you to some white
house function if we win a
second term. That's a promise, Seth-man.


Signed,

Tagg

Friday, August 10, 2007

Pro-Choice and Anti-Seth

Dad is getting nailed again and again because he keeps switching his position on abortion. This article slams him and questions whether anybody will ever be able to trust his pro- life bona fides.:

Romney could very well win the GOP nomination. If he does, establishing credentials as a truth-teller will be harder than establishing credentials as an abortion-rights opponent.

I have some trust issues with my Dad but in his defense, I've seen Dad's opinion on abortion shift a bunch over the years and he at least had a rationale. For instance, my mom told me that around the time she told him she was pregnant with me, he was really, really adamant about her rights to have an abortion. In fact, he really encouraged her to exercise her right to choose. I mean, really, really encouraged it, even if it meant having to find a doctor to perform the abortion illegally, like in Dirty Dancing. He said it was a statement about sovereignty or something. He kind of kept at it, too. On my third birthday, he sent a card to my mom with a note that said, "you know, it's still not too late." I think he was joking.

But then again, Dad has some really sincere pro-life views as well. How else can you explain his decision to keep Josh to full term? I'm not kidding—even Joseph Smith, Jr. would have given dad a free pass on that one.

So I guess the whole abortion thing is kind of complicated. Sometimes my dad is pro-choice; sometimes he's pro-life. I guess it depends on the situation, and whatever works best for him. Shit, even Fred knows there are situations when an abortion is cool and not cool.

Judging by some of the photos I've seen of Dad on the campaign trail lately, I can say he still remains very, very pro-Dry Look. No flip-flopping on that one at all. And Craig and the rest of my brothers seem to be very pro-sugar cubes and oats. Seriously, those guys are like Mr. Ed without the dry wit. Somebody should check Ann's genealogy! (Horse)Faced! Jerks!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Courage

A lot of people have been sending me this article about Giuliani's daughter, Caroline, (definitely hot btw I sent her an email to see if she wants to set up a "support" group ;) ) and her Facebook page:

On her profile, she designates her political views as "liberal" and—until this morning—proclaimed her membership in the Facebook group "Barack Obama (One Million Strong for Barack)."

The article says she quit that Obama group rigth after the media contacted her, but I don't see what the big deal is. Back when I had a MySpace account (it was suspended because of a misunderstanding — long story), under "heroes" I listed Deepak Chopra (really helped me through a difficult period), Robocop and Warren Burger. I got an email from Tagg/Fagg telling me to "cut the malarkey, man." He demanded I remove Burger (and Robocop — don't ask) but I just ignored him. I mean, I eventually I took it off anyway, and replaced him with Joseph Smith, Jr., but that was my own personal choice for my own personal reasons I don't need to share. At least I didn't buckle, like Josh did when he was asked to remove Priscilla, Queen of the Desert from his favorite movies. (He can quote that film verbatim, by the way. You should ask him if you see him.)

And anyway, maybe Caroline Giuliani was really just trying to reach out to her dad. Maybe she feels ignored, or left out, and this was her way of fighting for some attention from him. Maybe she wishes he'd invite her on one of his campaign stops, or that maybe just once her dad would mention her name in an interview, or let her drive the MittMobile for a short leg on the Iowa campaign trail. But whatever—how should I know?

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Still Breastfeeding?

My Dad had this to say in Iowa:

Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney on Wednesday defended his five sons'
decision not to enlist in the military, saying they're showing their support for
the country by "helping me get elected."


First off, we all know why Josh isn't in the Military but if no one asks me I won't tell.
Romney noted that his middle son, 36-year-old Josh, was completing a
recreational vehicle tour of all 99 Iowa counties on Wednesday and said, "I
respect that and respect all those and the way they serve this great country."


That's alot of rest stops and a lot of service if you know what I mean.... anyhoo...

"My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard."
He added: "One of the ways my sons are showing
support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

I guess the message is: you can help America as long as you suck off your Daddy's teet until you are well into your thirties. I must not be helping America because I have my own job (technically, I am in between jobs but since I am a self-employed entrepreneur, even more technically "down time" is part of my job) that Daddy hasn't given me.

If I weren't in the middle of some fairly complicated real estate transactions (there is a lien on a property I own in Irvine and another has been foreclosed upon- not my fault btw but more on that later) I would be in Iraq right now.

FYI guys, you could have headed to Iraq 4 years ago before the Presidential run (or what you call the Daddy Work Project). I would have but we were in the middle of a huge real estate boom and because I have to work for a living I had to seize the opportunity.

Anyway, let's face it, Tagg/fagg, Matt, Craig and Ben are chicken shits. Huge chicken shits. I beat the crap out of Ben one time (long story( I did a Tae Kwon Doe move on Tagg/fagg and he totally coincidentally moved and I accidentally head butted Ben and knocked his tooth out) that took place at a wave pool in Ohio) so hard that Craig cried. The only one with any balls in this family is me and Josh (the irony of course is that those would keep him out of the service).

Monday, July 30, 2007

Uh Hello?

WTF?!
Mitt Romney values his family, and when it comes to his presidential
campaign, his family members are providing value for him......
....the former Massachusetts governor and his brood are telegraphing another
message to voters, especially social conservatives pivotal in the GOP primaries
and caucuses: Mitt Romney is no John McCain, Rudy Giuliani or Fred
Thompson.


Fred Thompson happens to be extremely cool, I had screwdrivers with him once in his trailer when I was doing bg (background extra) work on L&O (Law and Order). More on that later.

“Because you’ve got candidates in this campaign who have not had long,
solid marriages and family life, it’s a solid point of contrast,” said Danielle
Vinson, a political-science professor at Furman University. “It’s a subtle way
to point out that he’s different from Giuliani without coming out and saying
Giuliani has been married however many times and had a nasty divorce.”


Uh Hi. I guess no reporter out there has google or wants to do an ounce of work. I don't think it shows real family values to ignore your son because he's half Jew or because he had a soda or a beer! I don't think it proves you have family values when 5/6ths of your sons hang out with you because you have millions of dollars to pay them and put them on your payroll!

I'm sure if Fred Thompson had kids they would want to hang with him, he smokes, he drinks, he parties... he's fun!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Where have I heard this one before

The Republicans’ presidential YouTube debate, scheduled for Sept. 17 in Florida, may move to another date, given reservations that some of the candidates have expressed about both the date and the format....

....Mr. Madden said the Romney campaign’s decision not to participate was “not a question of format, it’s a question of our travel schedule.”


Sounds a lot like, I can't come to your birthday party, Seth, because my travel schedule requires I attend a very urgent screening of 'Fletch' with Tagg. Or "I can't attend your high school graduation, Seth, because I have a dentist appointment that evening." What dentist schedules appointments at 7pm on a Saturday night?

I'm sure Dad's "travel schedule" requires him to be somewhere warm, as far away as possible from talking snowmen. Blam! In your face!

Friday, June 29, 2007

Sick

A couple of months ago I found a picture Queen Bitch Ann sent me when I moved from Troy to Phoenix (this was after moving from Reno to Groton to Pawtucket to Troy, for my own personal reasons which I will spare you right now) because the "entertainer" (read: "ass") my Mom was living with got his teeth kicked in one too many times on account of his novelty act. Anyway, when I first wrote about this picture, I forgot to mention that Q.B.A. included a note in the envelope: "Please enjoy this photograph of the family. I expect this should satisfy your childish need to "catch up" with all of us. P.S. FYI––Seamus has the bowels of a girl. I will never forgive Mitt for getting you that pile of chickenshit covered in fur that you call a dog." Thanks, Not-My-Mom!

Seamus. I remember how jealous Tagg & Company were when Dad brought that dog home for me. (I remember what Dad said, too, when he brought me out to the yard to show me the dog tied to a tree: "Maybe this will shut you up.") Josh, especially, really wanted a dog of his own, which created a lot of friction around the Romney house. QBA used to joke that Josh would have a dog as soon as "we take care of the 'Seth Problem'." But he wasn't Josh's dog—Seamus was my dog and my best friend...until he "mysteriously" disappeared.

About two weeks before I was sent to live with my mom, I was told Seamus had run away. I never saw Seamus again after that day, which is why I was always confused about QBA's P.S. until today.

Before beginning the drive, Mitt Romney put Seamus, the family's hulking Irish setter, in a dog carrier and attached it to the station wagon's roof rack. He'd built a windshield for the carrier, to make the ride more comfortable for the dog.
Then Romney put his boys on notice: He would be making predetermined stops for gas, and that was it.
The ride was largely what you'd expect with five brothers, ages 13 and under, packed into a wagon they called the ''white whale.''

As the oldest son, Tagg Romney commandeered the way-back of the wagon, keeping his eyes fixed out the rear window, where he glimpsed the first sign of trouble. ''Dad!'' he yelled. ''Gross!'' A brown liquid was dripping down the back window, payback from an Irish setter who'd been riding on the roof in the wind for hours.

As the rest of the boys joined in the howls of disgust, Romney coolly pulled off the highway and into a service station. There, he borrowed a hose, washed down Seamus and the car, then hopped back onto the highway. It was a tiny preview of a trait he would grow famous for in business: emotion-free crisis management.

What a load of crap.. More like howls of laughter...Oh, look! Seth's dog has lousy bowel control, just like Seth. (In my defense, I was born with a nervous disorder.) Oh, and this part makes me even sicker....

it offered his sons a rare unplanned stop.
''Think about it,'' Tagg says, ''a 12-hour drive and the only time we stop is to get gas. When we stop, you can buy your food and go to the bathroom, but that's the only time we're stopping, so you'd better get it all done at once.'' Yet there was one exception to Mitt's nonstop policy. ''As soon as my mom says, 'I think I need to go to the bathroom,' he pulls over instantly, and doesn't complain. 'Anything for you, Ann.'.''

Yeah, anything. Like, "I'll kidnap Seth's best friend, give him to your favorite son, Josh, and then when Josh gets bored of the dog I can always kill Seamus, just for kicks. Anything for you, ANN!"

Monday, June 25, 2007

Ah, I love Fenway and I have a blue shirt




So WTF,
Tagg? Who collected Red Sox baseball cards as a kid? And who wet himself over Joe Smith lithographs? Answer.. Me...You. DOuche.
P.S. You guys look like pansies when Dad makes you dress up the same.

Friday, June 15, 2007

HA HA You are funny (not)



One of my favorite things about this blog is the fun we get to make of each other publicly. A friend sent me the link to a blogger who apparently had a crush on Josh during college. Thought you'd enjoy reading it, even if she is a Democrat!




Ahahahahah, oh Tagg, you’re soooo funny. I know how much you like to make fun of your “brothers’ publicly, like the time you screamed at the wave pool that I had pissed myself . Poor Taggy waggy couldn’t deal with the fact that Dad was drinking a beer, that’s right ALCOHOL, so what does MR. T do? Shits his pants, literally, and then says I took a pee!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Kudos

Some idiot:
Kudos to the Romney boys for thinking outside the box.

And let me add, Kudos to the Romney Boys for shoving me out of the box.

Monday, June 11, 2007

No more blogging high

Like that'll happen. Anyway, I don't like the poem but I vowed not to edit my blog... Oh and FYI I do my own blogging and don't get an intern to do it!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

I'm a Poet and know it

Hi:
I wrote this poem last night after I had a couple of percosates for my throbbing toe (ingrown toenail)

I didn’t get to go to the 2002 olympics
even though you were in charge.
I didn’t get to go to the Olympics
Even though it was open for the family at large
I didn’t see a single Olympic event live.
But Tagg did and Matt did and Josh did and Craig did and Ben did.
And that’s no Jive.

I didn’t get to go skiing in Aspen, swimming in Alcopulco, or the canyon did I hike.
I never been to Wellfleet on Cape Cod, toured the Louvre or travelled Napa by bike.
I certainly never had box seats at Fenway to see David Ortiz hit.
But Tagg did and Matt did and Josh did and Craig did and Ben did.
And I wonder if Queen Bitch Ann gives a shit?

When I was ten I thought I was brother number four
But now I learn I am brother no more
I pinch myself to be sure I am alive
On-line of Romney brothers, there are only five?
You want to be President so I guess I am number six
Because Brothers 1,2,3,4,5 are all fucking Dicks!

Well, quiet I won’t be
for why should I
I’ve been denied and I want
My piece of the pie.

JERKS!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Oh Really

MSNBC:
ROMNEY BELIEVES IN NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND

Except, of course, if that child is a half Jew in which case...
ROMNEY BELIEVES IN LEAVE CHILD BEHIND!...

and then PRETENDS HE'S DEAD

because 5 BROTHERS IS MORE CATCHY THAN 5 BROTHERS AND ONE HALF BROTHER

and HE MADE ME SIGN A PIECE OF PAPER THAT FOR $475 A MONTH CHILD SUPPORT I WON'T "BUG HIM"

but FYI I SIGNED IT WHEN I WAS TWELVE AND A HALF AND IT"S NOT BINDING!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

What's missing here

Family portraits are really cute. So are the backstories.

This photo was taken at a rest stop in Glens Falls, New York.

The rest stop is about fifteen minutes from Lake George in the Adirondack Park. My Mom drove me up there from Troy New York where were living at the time with some ass who though he could fix cars but all he could do was drink beer and shit his pants on command. He claimed it was his best "money making talent" because it was going to get him on the Tonight Show.

I begged Dad to visit me on the way to their "family" trip to Ontario. Queen Bitch Ann said it was too far out of the way. She wanted to drive through Vermont because she wanted to buy some "real" maple syrup. I had to tell Dad I thought I might be gay just to get him to agree to meet me at the Glens Falls rest stop parking lot.

I was allowed to say hi to my "brothers" just long enough for Tagg/fag to brag that he was wearing an "all Lacoste outfit", steal my dog, Seamus, and to force me to take this "family" picture. After I took it, Tagg/fag said thanks for the photo and "here's a whole penny, for the half jew."


Well, douche bag, 20 years later I invested that penny and ended up flipping a house in Henderson County at a 28% profit. What have you done that Daddy didn't deliver right to your fat face!

Monday, April 30, 2007

This is why I blog

When I see this type of crap... it drives me crazy:
Romney's 'sixth son' handles campaign money
By Thomas Burr The Salt Lake Tribune
TribuneArticle Last Updated:04/29/2007 01:29:48 AM MDTWASHINGTON -

Mitt Romney has five sons, but if he had another, it would be Spencer
Zwick.The 28-year-old Salt Lake City native has been the presidential
candidate's right-hand man for years, and now asRomney's national finance
director, he is heading up the most crucial part of Romney's White House
bidRomney's national finance director, he is heading up the most crucial part of
Romney's White House bid.
Tagg/fagg probably came up with this idea because he saw that I was starting to make some noise, so what do you do? Throw people off the trail by saying, "of course Dad has a "sixth son", but not a real one. Chuckle. Laugh, move on. Screw you Tagg/fag.

I am not going away! And how appropos is it that Dad's fake sixth son is his son because he makes money for Dad instead of sucking it out of him like the 5 jerks do.


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I can vouch for that

People are giving Dad a hard time over the hunting stuff:
Campaigning in Indianapolis on Thursday, Romney said he has hunted small game since his youth.

"I'm not a big-game hunter. I've made that very clear," he said. "I've always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will. I began when I was 15 or so and I have hunted those kinds of varmints since then. More than two times."


I can vouch for his hunting small "game". The date was June 18, 1979. It was a Monday. I was living in Pawtucket Rhode Island because my Mom had moved in with an idiot who claimed to be an advance scout for the Red Sox minor league. (and who turned out to be a guy who thought he would become a millionaire selling t-shirts and rabbits' feet with an "unofficial" Red Sox logo. Hey, Doug—maybe those millions of dollars would have trickled in a little faster if you'd bothered to proof read your designs instead of printing up 5,000 "Boston Red Dox" t-shirts.) My Dad took Fagg and Matt (who's a dolt) on a two-day yachting trip in Newport.

On the way back he planned to meet me at a Doctor's office because Dad and Queen Bitch Ann were afraid Josh had a bacterial infection and may need a blood transfusion and QBA suggested Dad try to sweet-talk a couple pints of blood out of me. (Apparently, Ben is afraid of needles.) Anyway, I waiting on the lawn of the Doctors office playing with Sir Alfred, my Guinea Pig. When Dad and the boys arrived, Matt (seriously, total dolt) jumped out of the "White Whale" and immediately started crying that he wanted a guinea pig, too. He grabbed for Sir Alfred, and starting stretching him out by his rear legs. Dad got pissed and said, "I'll settle this," then stormed over to his Beemer without hesitation, popped the trunk, grabbed Tagg's air rifle and shot Sir Alfred four times in the head execution-style. I'm sure he'll make great use of those diplomacy skills in the White House. (I can't tell you how much fun it was to go from witnessing that scene to being strapped to a table and getting my blood drained in exchange for a glass of orange juice and an awkward hair tousle from Dad. P.S. turns out Josh just had an allergic reaction to some caviar, and didn't need my blood after all.)

Consider yourself Vouched, Dad.